ENTRY 89: YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK FROM NOW ON

Well, I was hoping there is a SNOUTBOOK, special for doggies, but apparently there is not.

In any case, from now on you can follow my updates on FB instead of this blog. It has become a bit too difficult for my secretary PL to keep updating both language versions of this blog AND my FB page at the same time, hence the change.

 I hope you will follow me to learn more about my exciting adventures around FOOD, DOROTKA, MY PL, BUZZERS, FLYERS etc. here: https://www.facebook.com/?_rdr=p#!/Jenny-the-Almost-Good-Dog-957726684262144/?fref=ts

Yours Jenny

ENTRY 86: LASER DOG

At last I have found my superpower.

Laser Snout!

How does that sound?

I think it sounds pretty cool.

Now, I have to decide how will I use it to the benefit of the whole humanity. And doggenity.
Dogkind... Well, whatever. You know what I mean.

Cutting unpenetrable tins of dog food, perhaps?

ENTRY 85 : MY PL BETRAYED ME

My PL came home last night. I am charging to great her as usual and suddenly what do I smell?

A STRANGE DOG!

She was cuddling A STRANGE DOG somewhere!

I just do not get it.

She has such a wonderful dog at home - I mean ME.

And she goes and cuddles some ugly (I am sure she was ugly!), bad smelling (I am sure she was bad smelling), unattractive and unintelligent strange bitch.

I am deeply disappointed, quite insulted and I will not speak to my PL. Until dinner at least!

DAY 84: SPORADIC SUMMER POSTING

Because it is hot.

And because I am lazy.

And because my PL is lazy.

And because it is super hot.



I have a feeling the traditional regular daily updates will be more like irregular not-so-daily updates.

Keep checking though, I am sure great things will happen ocasionally!

DAY 83: I HATE FLAT THINGS

Well, actually I LIKE flat things. Some of them.

For instance flat treats are fine.

And flat leash is cool - since it means we are going for walkies.

I also like being a flat dog when it is too hot and I am tired (does not happen too often, I admit)

But what I REALLY HATE are the flat things which are impossible to be picked up from the ground.

Such as this one.

Playing with it is cool.

My PL throws it away and I run to fetch it and then we wrestle a little and Dorotka is hiding away since I usually tread on her in my excitement. That is all very fine.

EXCEPT when the flat thing falls on a flat surface.

Not only my snout gets almost grazed by me trying in vain to pick it up. I also look like idiot - and folks, I really hate looking stupid! I hit it with my paws which makes no difference. I would swear that thing is sniggering at me!

So, come on, my good PL, pick it up so that we can play again, OK?

DAY 82: HOW I WAS(NOT) A BRAVE DOG

Weird things were happening last night.

First there was a loud BANG!

And then there were lots of blue lights and lots of big red vans and lots of noisy people.

Even my PL behaved differently - instead of sleeping with Dorotka, she was going out and in again, she looked seriously and was telling me: "Shut up and sit down, Jenny."

And I was SUCH A GOOD DOG!


I did not bark, although those people on the street were pissing me of.

I was following my PL around, just in case she needed a bit of doggy support (DOGGY, not dodgy, in case you misread!) and I was all ready to BE A VERY BRAVE DOG.

But the firefighters seemed to have it under control, so I got no chance to prove it.

So I am going for a little nap now, to be at least A BRAVE GUARD DOG tomorrow.

DAY 81: JENNOSAURUS

On Pack Lands the garden is tidy - nicely cut grass, lovely flowers, you can run through like a lightning, no problem!

At home, is is a different story.

At home, the garden is dramatic. Mysterious. Wild.

It is an unpenetrable jungle, full of secret places, bird nests, dark corners and thick bushes.

You cannot see through, you cannot even sniff, what is happening a few meters away!

There can be anything, lurking in the greed darkness.

And there it is....

....wild and dangerous JENNOSAURUS!!!

It attacks you out of nowhere...

...and will lick you to death!

Unless you have a treats in your pocket, of course!

DAY 80: HAND WASH

I love to help with cooking.

I am just natural.

Nobody has to was dishes, deal with garbage and test ingredience when I am in charge.

...and on top of that I am great when it comes to washing hands. I even include a delicate tongue massage.

If you are planning to cook something delicious, remember, I am here for you!

A know what my pack duty is.



The only thing which worries me is the petrol station at the motorway. I noticed they have a big sign there, advertising a HAND WASHING!

Bloody competition!!!

DAY 79: GREEN IS GOOD

CUCUMBER PEELING?

they say it everywhere.

Eat vegetables.

It is full of roughage.

And vitamins.

And minerals.

I am a modern dob, I follow trends.

Jsem moderní pes, jdu s dobou.




SNATCH!!!

So I eat vegetables, including the ones with minerals.


 

I will be slim and healthy and beatiful.

Well...actually...I already am.




P.S. I am considering to auditon for a role of a vegetarian dogosaur in the next Jurrasic Park movie. I am sure to be casted! I will be a star!

CARROT PEELING?

SNATCH!!!

DAY 78: I AM AN OLD HAG

To je on, bestie!

I knew it would happen one day.

And that terrible day was today.

I am no longer a spring chicken.

I am an old hag, my PL says.

Not sure what hag is but surely it is something terrible.

Here, can you see it?

My first WHITE HAIR!



Knírek je cool. Bílej chlup ne.

My silver moustache is fine, it is actually COOL.

But white hair, that is entirely different matter.

It is end of my glossy black days.

A few more months and I will look like a keeshound. Or worse - people will mistake me for arctic fox. Slovakian Cuvac. Samoyed even!

Not even a horny poodle will consider me attractive.

I am going to brood in my bed. Good night.

DAY 77: HOW TO BE INCONSPICUOUS

Are you surprised how complicated words I know?

Well, that's because this word is extremely important for all dog kind.

There are moments best suited for courageous actions!

Fortune favours the bold, they say.

Not sure if it means I should get fat, but if it does ... I am working on it!

Anyway, there are also moments (very frequent, actually), when you need to be inconspicuous.

Sneak.

Disappear in the shadows...

Stop breathing. In particular stop panting!

Sometimes I am so  inconspicuous that I am hardly there at all.

And then you SNATCH!!! and that treat/the remains of my PL's dinner/leftover yogurt/ cat's dinner/chocolate*/anything edible at all....is MINE.

And that's it, folks!

P.S. *) They say chocolate is poisonous for dogs. I am sure that cat's spread this rumour. I ate 50 g, our PL freaked out and called the vet and I was happy as a puppy with full tummy. No trouble at all!

P.P.S Dorotka is sometimes also inconspicuous. But she is doing it all wrong. There is zero chance some threat falls UNDER the sofa!

DAY 76: (DON´T) LEAVE IT

Great day on Pack Lands.

I have a new mate!

He was playing with me and chasing me and cuddling me and telling me I am clever!

Which means he is very smart and charming person. And clever, too!


He taught me a new trick - first you put a TREAT on the ground.

Naturally, I go for it.

And then I am told LEAVE-IT.

That is not so good, since it means I mustn´t take it.

So I was practising LEAVE-IT and it was tough, I can tell you.

I fully deserved the two meat sticks I got as a reward ...and then we had a break.

During which I climbed on the armchair, from armchair I reached to the top of a fireplace, stole a package of meat sticks, which they put there, thinking it was out of my reach (since they forgot about the armchair..snigger, snigger)....and I ATE ALL EIGHTEEN remaining sticks.

As a reward for being so good in LEAVE-IT.

So now I know two commands, actually.

Leave-it and EAT-IT!

The second one I performed without any training, which proves how clever I am! Right?

DAY 75: MY HOUSE, MY DOG BED

Or the other way round?

We have various approach in my pack.

Take Dorotka, for example.

She has her special hiding place.

Behind the sofa...
...inside the corner cupboard...
...on the shelf...
...there is a small dog bed...
...with Dorotka inside!

Sometimes I stuck my snout inside there, to check if she is not hording some treats there.
She does not.
And my PL always tells me off. She says I must respect one´s privacy.
As if there was any privacy when it comes to treats!



Anyway, MY dog beds are accessible to all.

For instance MY sofa.

And MY window sill.

My armchair.

My second armchair

My dog bed in living room...

And finally my dog bed in the lounge. I go to sleep in there when I want a bit of quiet. And privacy. So, I guess  my PL is right. We all need a little privacy every now and then.

DAY 74: I HAVE MANY NAMES

More names you have, more dog you are.

Or something like that.

In which case I am MUCH MORE dog, since I have many names.

First, of course, I am Jenny.

I am also Loony.
I even answer to that.
Since I am really well behaved loony.



That is far from being all, though.

I am JennyDown very often.

It is probably an honorary title which you gain from moving in high society.
Or on high places.

I always wag my tail, when I am addressed like that, so that my PL knows how much I like my title.

She must be happy about the response, since she then usually repeats JennyDown a few more times.



Another common title is JennyStopIt.

It must be some kind of Academic Title, for sure.
StIt - Scientifically Intelligent.

That must be it, since my PL mostly uses this title to call me when I am inspecting something.

I am also sometimes called Scat!
Something to do with music, probably.

Or Heel!
I am a good healer, my PL always feels much better after I jumped on her head and licked her face a few times.

And last but not least, of course I am A GOOD GIRL.

Rarely called that, for some reason. I guess my PL does not to wear it off.
But deep down we both know, A GOOD GIRL, that´s me!

DAY 73: FLYERS

I like flyers.

They are similar to buzzers from the meadow, but they do not have stings.

And they taste delicious.

They are basically a kind of flying treats.

When a flyer buzzes through the house, it is necessary to charge after it, no matter the furniture.
No chair, table or sofa may stand between me and my flying prey.
Everything can be overturned when you put your heart in it.

And 12 kilos of muscle and bones.

Usually you chase flyer to the window.
Then you hit the window with your snout a few times, that confuses them.

And then you catch them.
And you eat them.

My PL is very happy about it and call me her black flyercatcher.
Honorary title, obvisously.
Very proud of it!

DAY 72: THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THAT BALL

I am crazyyyyy!

Uííííí!

The baaaaaaall!

Yayyyyyy!

Wait a minute!

No fair!

PL, you had A CAMERA?!!

DAY 71: A NARROW ESCAPE!

My PL brought home something wonderfully enticingly crinkly.
Which, by all means, should be something delicious for little good dogs.

However, our PL was looking for Zachary, the tom cat, which raised alarm in my head: what if she wants to give that fantastic secret delicious thing TO HIM??!!

I took up a strategic stand (you will notice me or you will trip over me) and pulled my best "I am a little hungry doggie" face...

...and on this photo is captured the moment, I realised...

...it was a DEWORMING PILL!

Ufff!! It was narrow escape!
Fortunately it WAS Zach, who got it in the end.

I must be a bit more careful when begging for something, without knowing what it is.
On the other hand - what if I miss something?
Life is full of these dilemmas, I can tell you!

There is a happy end today, though.
I got some milk!
I love milk!
And when I love something I gulp it.
And then I am milked all over.
Which is fine, since milk is GREAT.
AND it is good for your face!

DAY 70: AS TIME GOES BY...

So, first I was a puppy, of course.

I am sure I was cute and beautiful, although I don´t remember much about it. It might actually be for the best, since I am told it was a tough time anyway.

Then I was taken into the shelter. There I had many mates and I was their big pack boss. At least that is how I remember it.

When my PL picked me up there, I wasn´t entirely sure, what is happening. Therefore I played a REALLY GOOD dog on the way home in the car. Lying flat on her friend´s lap and not moving an ear.
That was the last time I was good dog, my PL says. She is only joking, of course!

                                 Then I went through the "hairy monster" stage.

See those ears? Cool, aren´t they!
It was my rebel period.
I was considering to have some piercing but then I threw a fit during vaccination and my PL explained to me, that piercing is even worse then a jab - so I reconsidered.

Eventually I grew up and became bewitchingly glossy black diva.
I was hoping for a movie career but only ever had two photos on which I did not look like a blurr. I was told two photos are not enough for a big Hollywood breakthrough. Oh well, their loss..

Then followed my deep mystical period - meditaion, immersion into your subconsciousness, pondering the meaning of life and universe and everything, you know what I mean. It lasted for about 15 minutes.










At last I decided to pursue a career in writting and since my PL mentioned it would do me good to become a GOOD DOG...this BLOG was founded. And this is how you know me - crazy and ingenious and obedient and not-so-obedient, majestic and playfull and overall REALLY BEAUTIFUL DOG!

DAY 69: BECOMING GOODER AND GOODER DOG

My progress is visible.
You can actually touch it.
You can even step in it!

Here is the proof:

True, I raided my PL´s shopping bag.

I pull out the 1 kg package of sugar. Also true.

I torn it and spilled it all over the floor.

But - here it comes - I only ate about TWENTY DECAGRAMS!!!

If THAT is not an improvement, I don´t know what is.

DAY 68: ABOUT A BALL

To be quite honest, I do not get all that fuss about balls.

They are round, all right.
And they roll.
O-key.

That does not mean you have to chase them like mad, does it?

Although sometimes...for a little while...it is fun.

For a moment.

Or two...

Do not touch my ball! See, how professionally I am handling it...dropping it...erm...chewing it!

DAY 67: A LITTLE HOMELY TEEMING

Sometimes you just feel like it...

Twice or three times a day, to be precise.
The best moment is when our PL is quietly reading or watching a movie.

Then both me and Dorotka will appear all of a sudden out of nowhere and we will start jumping and running around, wagging our tails, mock fighting with each other...basically we are teeming like a team!


It includes running on spot, whith hanging tongue and wagging tail.

Jumping and playful biting all the extremities within our reach.

Biting each others nose and ears, threading on our PL´s feet and trying to climb on her head.

Nagging cats is also included.

And then - when our PL is adequately drooled on and threaded on - we stop just as suddenly as we started, we go for a little nap and dream about next successful teeming of our pack.

DAY 66: THINGS I DON´T GET

I am a clever dog.

I hope there is no doubt about that.

Dumb dogs do not write blogs.

At least usually they don´t.

I think.



Anyway...there are things I just DO NOT GET.

For instance why water is so great when I splash in the puddle and it is such a bother when I am given a wash.

Why my PL cleans windows and I have to work hard to put all the nose marks back on them.
I can do it fast enough but still...instead of wasting time on windows, my PL could play with me, right?

Also I have no idea why my PL may pick cat poo from their litterboxes and I must not.
I would love to do it! For free! I would dedicate time for that, gladly!

Why my PL brings treats in plastic bags and then does not give them to me to play with.
I mean the plastic bags, not treats.
You don´t play with treats, you eat them.
The plastic bags, on the other hand, can be torn into tiny pieces which then stuck to my nose. It is such a fun! Why my PL says it is wrong?

Which brings me to the biggest mystery of all: how come that my PL loves me and still almost all things wich are fun are BANNED?!

Life is complicated.

I am determined to work it out, though. Depend on it!

DAY 65: THERE! THAT IS THE SPOT!

Today, I will share a big personal secret with you.

That's what internet is for, isn't it?

My PL - quite unfairly and totally without reason - calls me a Crazy Dog.

I admit, I am a bit lively.

I like fun, sports and meeting new people.

When I meet them, I thread on them and jump and lick their faces.

I also throw things down from the table.
And I climb chairs and kitchen surface.
Once I jumped out of the window in the first floor and landed on my snout. It was GREAT!

I run like mad, so on most photos you can only see a black fuzzy shape...

...but there is a way to turn me into calm, blissful dog.

I can be SWITCHED OF!

No, really. I have witnesses.

All you need to do, is to scratch that one particular place on my chest and I will not move at all.

I will be a stone-doggy.
Sculptudog


The bestest dog in the world.

While you are scratching the switch.

Not a minute longer!

DAY 64: ABOUT CATS

There are two types of cats

The edible ones and the others.
Well, of course I do not eat the edible ones either.
I just pretend trying to.

What you do is running to the garden in a top speed and barking your head of. Cats are scared, they run away and it is a great fun.
My PL sometimes joins in too. She shouts "Stop it!" and "Shut up!" at the cats.
At least I assume she shouts at the cats, who else...
Only, thinking about it, I am a bit puzzled she asks them to "shut up", since they usualy do make much sound.


Anyway, the second kind of cats are our domestic ones.
You do not bark at them. Mostly. Unless they are ingoring you and don´t want to play.

I like to play with our cats.
I chase them, they run away and it is also great fun.

I am fond of cats.
Except of those moments, when they eat MY FOOD, which our PL left on the table FOR ME!
Or when they don´t want to play with me and they climb to some high place and glare DOWN at me.

One day I will show them!
I will climb on the kitchen cupboard and this time I will look DOWN to THEM.
I am already practising.

DAY 63: THE CURIOUS INCIDENT WITH A DOG'S HAIR ON THE FLOOR

It is just plain weird.

My PL combs me everyday, which is GREAT.
It is something between cuddling and scratching me and I LOVE IT!

And she keeps saying how beautifully black I am.
How shiny.
And amazingly soft.
With fantastic glossy hair.

So while my hair is ON ME, it is super cool.


And now the weird part:

As soon as THE SAME beautiful, black, shiny, soft and glossy hair is on the floor, it is no longer cool.
It is actually a bother.
There is enough, my PL says, to build a second dog!
And that is no good, I am told.

I am confused.
I like ALL my hair, since it is MINE!

Beautiful.
Black.
Shiny.
Hair.
Everywhere.

DAY 62: NASTY RUMOUR

I would like to protest strongly against the nasty rumours, that I was trying to cook a cat for a dinner and only my inability to turn the cooker on had stopped me.

It is total rubbish.

The truth is, I was unable to pour the water into the pot!

DAY 61: AND THAT WAS WHAT?!

My PL is hiding a strange dog in the house!

On the table!!

I don´t understand it at all!!!

My nose seems not work either, since I cannot smell any dog at all.

And when dog´s nose is not working, it is as if the dog does not exist. So, I do not exist!

Maybe the table dog is a real dog and I am not!

I am existencially confused, my PL says. What I am most worried about it my non-funcional nose.
I am going to test it by sniffing to our cats. Hold on.
.
.
.
Hurray! All is well. They stink as usual. I am a real dog after all!!

DAY 60: HOW I DID NOT BECOME A MAY QUEEN

I was almost there.

I was told, May Queen must be delightful.
I am.

That she must be able to sit nobly and look sublime.
No problemo.

That she must be the beautifulest girl all around.
Check.

THEN I learnt she is supposed to have some kind of foliage on her brow.
Well, I am NOT wearing any vegetable behind my ears.
I shook it off at once.
It was a dandy-lion, they said.
Well, it was no lion, I can tell you that.
If it were, it would have been quite a different kind fun, to be sure!

And then they told me, I am not to be a May Queen this year. Maybe next year, when I am a GOOD DOG. Oh, well...

P.S. Dorotka tried too but she is too tiny, it seems. On the other hand she has the longest tongue on the whole meadow. Sure it must count for something!

P.P.S. You can tell that English version of my adventures is a bit behind the time. It is June now :-)

But do not worry, you will not miss anything, I promise!

DAY 59: AUTOMATIC CLEANING DEVICE

Fantastic gadget to every family!

Do you spill milk sometimes?

Do you ocassionaly drop something edible?

Is there a hole in your shopping bag?


Do not worry!

Our AUTOMATIC CLEANING DEVICE will sort it out for you!

It will lick your floor clean in a matter of seconds!

And it will love you for a chance to do it!


It is totally irrelevnat that it was this ACD (Automatic Cleaning Device), who stole the jar of milk and was carrying it to the sofa to lick the content. Let´s not delve in details, right?

What IS relevant is the fact, that the floor was spotless and shiny after the ACD finished with it!